Kevin Tor

Natalie Cole looks more and more like her father every day. Not the way he used to look. The way he looks now. (EDIT: I’m leaving this in to show what a jerk I am but Natalie Cole is in need of a kidney transplant and is on dialysis 3 times a week. I’m awful.) Taylor Hicks played something really quickly and muted based on how I watched it. And Jamie Foxx auto-tuned away his genuinely good singing voice. It was a poor night for superstar guests. 

One more thing: Did Simon make me like him again with his praise for Danny and Allison and his other comments at the end? I think he did. I can never stay mad at you, Cowell.

It’s Rat Pack Week. The host for Rat Pack Week…Jamie Foxx. I was confused by this but I will never doubt Jamie Foxx again. How can you? Look at all he’s accomplished. After watching him with the Idols, I felt like I could do anything with Jamie Foxx at my side. Is he rentable?

Allison Iraheta – “Someone To Watch Over Me” – Ever since I read that she adds an ‘H’ in front of some words in her phrasing, it’s glaring. “Someone to hwatch over meeeee.” It’s like when Stewie does the Kool HWhip thing on Family Guy. 

But she still sings amazingly. I just wish I had never had that pointed out. The judges liked it but that doesn’t seem to matter. While Paula has been tremendously better this year, she is still awkward. I figured out what it was. Paula has an multi-syllable-adjective-a-day calendar. Alluring? Stellar? I’m on to you, Abdul.

Matt Giraud – “My Funny Valentine” – Jaime Foxx fixed him! Wow. He snuck in a falsetto at the end but it was fine. This was probably my favorite Matt performance since “Georgia.” I didn’t know he could sing that well. It makes me question what else I don’t know about the world. Should I be eating beets? Is it time to start reading the Twilight books? Do my dogs need more attention? Jamie Foxx, thank you. Because of this, I will see “The Soloist”…on DVD.

Danny Gokey – “Come Rain Or Come Shine” – This week is ridiculously good. I said that Danny needed a magical performance in last week’s blog and he went for it. The end was arranged differently and I really liked it. Though Danny usually tends to leave you thinking a performance was better than it was by blowing out the ending with huge singing. However, this time I believe it was a good performance. Also, I think that hand gesture during the phone numbers was supposed to be a heart but it looked like a bean. Do a better heart, Danny.

Adam Lambert – “Feelin’ Good” – Hair down. Didn’t like it. The trend continues. It was over the top. The arrangement was rough. It was so theatrical like always. And then for Simon to say that theatrical is fine because that’s who he is. How do all the awesome theatrical singers of Idol past feel about that statement? I’m done with Simon. He’s wet. He’s indulgent. He needs to leave the show or start critiquing the actual performance on stage and not giving a prepared response leading to a predetermined Finals of Adam and Danny! Where am I? 

Bottom Three: This is tough because you have to put people that you like in the Bottom 3. I predict Allison, Matt, and Danny. I really think Kris is more popular than Danny even though he has one of those living wives. Matt isn’t one of the top two popular people and neither is Allison (she wasn’t even top four last week). As much as I hate to do it, I think it is time for Allison to take her red hair and go. We get one more week of the Mole Man. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m so wrong.

Going Home: Allison Iraheta 

I had been meaning to be an extra for some time just to experience a real TV show filming. When “Ugly Betty” was looking for Mets fans to fill in Citi Field for an upcoming episode, I jumped all over it. I’ve got two thumbs and am a huge Mets fan!

The holding area for extras is a desolate warehouse. Plastic tables and folding chairs as far as the eye can see. SAG seating and Non-SAG seating are strictly divided like Germany before 1990. Wait, I can do more. Divided like numbers on a fifth grade math test. Wait. Divided like a house with an inability to remain upright. Anyway, SAG is apparently better. They get more pay. They get seats with an index card reading “SAG” on it. They get food. When SAG is done eating, Non-SAG is allowed to go up and pick the carcass of the craft service table. The best example was the Ugly Betty cupcakes. There were possibly two left when SAG was done. I’d describe the cupcakes but they were crushed and left for dead. SAG can be cruel.

Once shooting began, we were led like cattle through the bowels of Citi Field to the best seats in the stadium. These are the padded recliner-like seats you dream about being in as you gaze upon them with binoculars from the upper deck cursing the rich people that never use them or give them away. Why are these empty every time I watch the game on TV?

The scene has Betty and three other cast members attending a Mets game. About 60 of us fill in the seats behind. I’m 9 rows back of America Ferrera mostly because I didn’t push my way to the front. A man teaches us the hand signals he will be flashing to indicate action on the field. (i.e. A closed fist means a strike out.) When a signal goes up, we are to mime our reactions – pretend to clap, point where the ball goes, shake fist in anger, make sure the box doesn’t close in on you. The signal man has no sense of the pace of a game. There is no possible way for a strikeout to happen that quickly after a double. The imagined player just slid into second! What is this, Amateur Hour?

After the first take, a set PA comes up to me and taps me on the shoulder. I am leaving my seat and everyone around me is wondering what’s going on. She informs me that I am to return to my seat during filming like I just went to the bathroom during the game. Apparently this is a huge deal. All the other Mets-attired extras are trying to figure out what made me so special. I felt like the chosen alien from the crane game in “Toy Story.”

My opportunity of having my lower torso in the shot was taken away as fast as it was given. The soda vendor, on the next take, moved faster than in the previous take and went into my row blocking my way back to my seat. As any person attending a real game would do, I waited for him to finish but the scene ended by then. The important people liked that take and I was told (with apologies) to stay in my seat the rest of the way. This was supposed to be upsetting as the other extras consoled me. I mimed anger.

Redemption came when they changed camera angles. I moved, along with half of the extras, to a different set of seats to fill in the new background. This time, a different PA tapped me on the shoulder and told me to count to 20 and get up and take a seat a few rows up. I was living the extra dream. The director yelled action and I counted. I went with a good pace. I thought about using Mississippis but I chose against it. On 20, I got up and moved down three rows. When I got there, a soda was handed to me. I tried passing it further down the row but the guys indicated they didn’t order it. Sweet! Free fake soda! I really hope this gets on the show because you will see me get up, take a better seat, and get a free soda. The later the take they use, the more entitled to the soda I will look. By the end, I had my hand out waiting for the soda.

For the next scene, the PA told me to count to 10 and return to my original seat. Have any of these people ever been to a baseball game? Why would I do that? It makes no sense. I reluctantly did it but only because I knew it would up my chances of being noticed thereby pleasing my mother. 

I don’t know when it will air. I’ll post it when I find out. Overall, it was a cool experience seeing how they set up the shots and all the equipment that is required. I won’t go into all the detail but let’s just say it’s more than the Handycam I use for my videos. We were only there for 6 hours which is unheard of for extra work so I was definitely spoiled on my first time. Will I do it again? Sure. Just have to find a 15 hour block in my schedule that works.

Random things:

• America Ferrera has a really tiny head. I’m not sure why it looks so large on camera.
• There is no way to clap with genuine enthusiasm without touching your hands together.
• The girl who plays Hazel on “Gossip Girl” had to do the scene with sky-high heels and a skirt (Seriously? Not practical for a game.). It was really cold out. To put in perspective, Ol’ Tiny Head was in a sweater, poncho, pants, and Uggs. She got away with it because she never had to stand up.
• Extras must be known to be weirdos. There was one woman that had a Mr. Met stuffed animal. Every time a crew member asked her to move, she asked, “Mr. Met too?” Nobody ever acted annoyed or worried. It was frightening.

Allison Iraheta – I’m praying this position is merely a result of Matt getting saved by the judges and everyone rallying behind him. She should not leave until the Top 3. It’s time for America to start thinking about albums. Are you going to buy a Danny or a Matt album? Now answer the question imagining the physical album is in front of you. (That was my “A Time To Kill” moment.)

Lil Rounds – Everyone knew she was going home so they didn’t waste any time. She was gone before any guest performances. If she didn’t come back out at the end to hug Anoop, I would have sworn Idol had security escort her out. I’ve never seen an early favorite flounder this badly in 8 seasons of Idol.

Anoop Desai – He’s a better singer than Matt. This is a singing competition. Anoop had almost as many chances as Matt throughout the season. (I forgot that they made it a Top 13 for Anoop.) He wasn’t going to win but I was pulling for a Top 5 for him. On a side note, he’s the second Idol to be booted for singing a song about making the room darker (“Dim All The Lights”). Megan “Spiggles” Joy sang “Turn Your Lights Down Low” on her last week. Is there something to that? The remaining five should stay away from Nelly Furtado’s “Turn Off The Light” just to be safe.

Final Thought: Danny needs to do something other than just sing a song next week. I think he can pull off an acapella version of something beautifully. If he keeps his vocals tender, he can put himself back in the Finals discussion. As for Allison, there isn’t much she can do. Even a “brilliant” from Simon got her nowhere. She’s in trouble. Next week’s Bottom 3 is going to be crazy. Adam, Danny, and Kris have never been and one of them has to go according to my superior mathematics skills (each remaining Idol is a finger on my hand). Who will join Matt and Allison in the Bottom 3? I guess we’ll have to wait for the performances.

Lil Rounds – “I’m Every Woman” – She finally gave the judges what they wanted in song choice and it still didn’t work for her. I hate when I agree with Randy because it means I may have had a stroke or regressed back to the age of 15 months. Regardless, I did feel this was all over the place and simply not good. She tried to put too much Lil into it without having a plan. If there was an upside, this was her best wig. Hands down.

Kris Allen – “She Works Hard For The Money” – It was so good. He’s back (as he should be) in the “Who’s going to be in the finals with Adam?” talk. The judges tried to ruin Kris’ chances again by babbling like children but at least they ended on praise. I can’t wait for his album.

Danny Gokey – “September” – He has not been that great for a couple of weeks now. This was a little boring for an upbeat song. I agree with Simon that he doesn’t seem to have a special moment in him. He comes out and sings a song well and that’s it. I’m running out of love for the Gokes.

Allison Iraheta – “Hot Stuff” – She rocked out Hot Stuff. I agree that it was a weird arrangement but she stayed true to herself. Oh no. Did I just say that? It wasn’t karaoke or pitchy. What’s happening? For her, for me, that wouldn’t have happened on a cruise ship or in a hotel lobby. Make it stop. It was authentic Allison. She knows who she is as an artist. Mommy. Give that girl a phonebook. I have to go.

Adam Lambert – “If I Can’t Have You” – His hair was in “Kevin’s going to enjoy this one” mode. It’s like Robin Williams’ beard and an Oscar nomination. It just happens. It was really good. True to his hair. Kara said he looks like a cross between the guy from Saturday Night Live and Clark Kent. Some people are going to get on her because they think she meant Saturday Night Fever but I see it. There’s some Chris Kattan in there. I’m with you Kara.

Matt Giraud – “Stayin’ Alive” – I’ll take a cue and do this Simon-style. “No, he’s not.” He tried really hard again. When he goes into a falsetto, it hurts my head. It has been good to see him go from cocky in the auditions to giving it his all each week. I still think he’s going home with Lil but he deserves to go home second.

Anoop Desai – “Dim All The Lights” – The stylists really got him ready to try out for a Wham tribute band. That or he needs to catch that time machine if he wants to make his audition for Miami Vice. Hurry, Anoop! He can sing and Top 5 is nothing to be ashamed of.

Bottom Three: I’m feeling Lil, Matt, and Anoop. Anoop has been in the bottom three the last few weeks and with there not being many weeks left, that should change. To be fair, Anoop is not far behind Danny but I still think Danny is better. Though, if Anoop does well next week and Danny continues his decline, anything can happen. Remember Chris Daughtry? There’s not much left to say about Lil and Matt. I said it all last week. Time to go home.

Going Home: Lil Rounds and Matt Giraud

A warm breeze whipped through the Alabama evening. This humid Saturday was one that would be remembered for some time. Robert Langdon had just finished his shower noting that his new buzz cut took considerably less effort to maintain. His body was tired and the images of what happened that afternoon only intensified the fatigue. Langdon could still hear the roar of the crowd as he buttoned his shirt. He closed his eyes and replayed the events in his mind.

The football arrived in his arms like a newborn, a newborn that he would cradle and protect for as long as he was responsible for it. Langdon surveyed the field and headed forward. Barreling down on him was the opposing team but he knew just how elusive to be. As he increased his stride and used his blockers, open field awaited. Once he got to it, no one could catch him.

The red end zone got bigger with each pump of his legs. Upon crossing the goal line, the stadium erupted and the band played the school’s fight song. Though the other team had ceased their pursuit, something was still chasing him. His teammates met him on the sidelines where he received pats on the back and high-fives.

Langdon was jolted out of his mental highlight reel. High-five. He realized that was it. That’s what’s been chasing him. It was a sign. A symbol.

We went to see “Crank: High Voltage” and once I got him a medium popcorn with green m&ms in it (“Only green”), he was settled in for the rest of the film. After it was over, we had the following discussion about the movie:

Kevin

So Dr. Bishop…

Dr. Bishop

Call me Walter.

Kevin

Ok, Walter, what did you think of the film?

Walter stares off in thought.

Kevin

Walter?

Dr. Bishop

(shakes head)

I think I just remembered where I left my mechanical pencil. It’s in the sun visor of my Datsun.

Kevin

What does that have to – Wait, you had a Datsun?

Dr. Bishop

Yes, I built it on my sabbatical.

Kevin

You built a Datsun?

Dr. Bishop

Actually, I built two of them but only one of them ran on Coca Cola.

Kevin

Riiiight…let’s talk about the movie. I didn’t really care for it. I’m usually ok with crazy Jason Statham plots but an artificial heart that needs to be charged hourly by grabbing telephone wires?

Dr. Bishop

Take me to my lab.

Kevin

What?

Dr. Bishop

Hurry!

Kevin

What about the movie interview?

Dr. Bishop

Take me to my lab!

Kevin and Walter get in the car. We skip ahead 20 minutes to the lab. Walter is thumbing through a filing cabinet. He finds a file and opens it.

Dr. Bishop

Aha! Here it is. In 1981, I did some work with a mechanical heart that could pump the blood of a gorilla for three hours using an external battery pack. I suppose it could be adjusted to work with an internal battery. Would you like to help me do some research?

Kevin

Of course. Are you serious?

Dr. Bishop

No. I just wanted to see pictures of my Datsun. See?

Walter hands him a photo of the Datsun.

Kevin

(disappointed)

It’s nice.

Dr. Bishop

Thank you.

Kevin

So anyway, movie?

Dr. Bishop

It was garbage.

Kevin

Wonderful. I’d like to thank Dr. Walter Bishop for taking some time away from stopping monsters and weird stuff from destroying the world.

Dr. Bishop

Do you have any more Skittles?

Kevin

No.

Dr. Bishop

I’ll just go make some. Astrid!

Walter leaves.

Kevin

Well, I hope you will tune in next time when I go to the movies with Benjamin Linus once I figure out how to get to him.

1. Former Olympic gold medal-winning figure skater is forced to inhabit the bodies of random people throughout time. Coming soon: Michelle Kwan-tum Leap. “Let’s hope the next triple lutz is the triple lutz home.”
2. A tribe of 10-year-old girl robots learns to coexist with the Pilgrim settlers that have inhabited their land. Coming soon: Smallpox Wonder. “They’re bringing love and laughter and high fevers everywhere.”
3. Cameron Diaz, Alicia Silverstone, Julia Stiles, and Ellen Pompeo help the less fortunate and oppressed out of trouble. Coming soon: The A-Cup Team. “They titty the fool…just not a lot.”
4. A mystery writer with a short attention span and not a lot of time to live stumbles upon murder investigations and helps the police. Coming soon: Murder, She Tweeted. “@sheriffmetzger found body…know who dunnit #homicide”
5. A blind musician moves in with a family and gets free rent in exchange for babysitting and providing musical accompaniment during dinner. Coming soon: Ray Charles In Charge. “He’s not going to stand for that ‘new boy in the neighborhood’ crap.”
6. One of the hardest working people in show business and one of the laziest private investigators the world has ever known team up to take down the bad guys. Coming soon: Timberlake And The Fatman. “They always manage to get there Justin time.”
7. A British ruminant mammal becomes a proper butler for a family that loves to hunt. Coming soon: Mr. Belve-deer. “If he doesn’t keep a good house, they’ll have him for dinner.”
8. A hip and famous American writer moves to Oakland, California to become a substitute teacher at the local high school where he will mentor kids and suffer from dropsy. Coming soon: Hangin’ With James Fenimore Cooper. “Let’s all do the Bumppo.”
9. A 16-year-old roller disco with the help of a Greek Muse graduates medical school and becomes a resident surgeon at Eastman Medical Center. Coming soon: Xanadu-gie Howser. “What he lacks in precision and dexterity due to his lack of arms and hands, he more than makes up for with boogie oogie.”
10. A funny and bright little girl, abandoned by her parents, seeks shelter in a vacant apartment where she spends her days perfecting her recipe for the perfect pint. Coming soon: Punky Brewmaster. “This girl’s got some hops.”

Blogger’s Note: I actually googled “small boob celebrities” because I had no knowledge of celebrity chest sizes. Also, I was also working on Pee-Wee Herman’s Head but the description ended just being too close to Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.

Anoop Desai – Like he said on the show, it’s not up to the judges or him to say whether his performance was good enough to be safe. America is not a big fan of Anoop. He has put in two great performances in a row and gotten Bottom 3 status each time. He will be lucky to crack the Top 5. Still nothing to sneeze at. I mean, I’d sneeze at it but I hold myself to higher standards. 

Lil Rounds – I thought she was going home but she was not the lowest vote getter. This means Simon will actually set her on fire next week after she’s done singing. Part of me thinks she’s ready for it though. She seems to be carrying a lot of supplies in the back of her pants. Hopefully amidst all of that junk, there’s a fire extinguisher.

Matt Giraud – He was the lowest vote getter and sang worse than the previous night. How could he not? He was away from his comfort instrument and had his Idol fate on the line. Simon said to him that he doesn’t think he can win the competition and then proceeded to use the Judges’ Save on him. What? You don’t have to use it, judges. Do they know that? Why would you waste it on someone that you don’t think can win it all? That’s like landing on $5000 and giving Pat Sajak your Free Spin. It doesn’t make any sense. Sure Matt was happy and crying. He should be. Now he has to go through the process of getting voted off again next week.

Final Thought: So there will be two contestants voted off next week. I predict Lil and Matt will be those two. I don’t see how another week saves them. Truthfully, that would leave the best five. Disco week should be fun. I can’t wait to hear Adam do “Don’t Leave Me This Way” or even better, “Disco Duck.”

Anoop Desai – “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” – I hate this song so much. It was so overplayed when it came out and then it became a love song cliche like anything off the Bodyguard soundtrack. But I liked it tonight which is a testament to Anoop. He sang it really well. Too bad there isn’t room left in the competition for him. The judges (Kara and Randy) liked it and Simon was angry he didn’t get to say anything.

Adam Lambert – “Born To Be Wild” – I did not enjoy his prance out onto the stage to start the song. It was awful. I hate when they say he is the real deal. Everything is so calculated. It’s a performance from the moment the song starts. Here’s how I picture Adam’s preparation: “When I was in Tommy, I got a lot of good reviews for this fist pump I did so I thought I would give it a shot here.” I may be old fashioned but a fist pump should come from the soul and not some predetermined plan. Rocking should not be choreographed.

Matt Giraud – “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” – Big night for Bryan Adams. Is this Canadian Idol? I kid. I feel like a broken record but it started out good (just like “Let’s Get It On” and “Part Time Lover”). Then it got not so good and then ugly. I would have preferred it to just be him at the piano instead of the whole band and the background singers. Anyway, I still think he’s back next week. 

Danny Gokey – “Endless Love” – No glasses. Is that allowed? Quentin took away his hands too. Danny does tend to use his hand to “knit” through the lyrics. It’s a knitting motion. Anyway, this was Stripped-Down Danny. Paula thought the beginning was not so good. Simon thought it was boring. I have to agree. I like Danny and he can sing but he is not the frontrunner I thought him to be. He’s just an awesome singer and this makes me sad.

Kris Allen – “Falling Slowly” – Brilliant. I love this song. So good. I’m so angry that my wife told me that Randy didn’t like it before I watched it this morning. Randy said he knew the song but I don’t think he did. He likes to name drop and that would have been the perfect time to drop Glen Hansard. Kara loved it and so did Paula but because of time restraints, Ryan cut Kara off leaving Kris with minimal praise. Not right. I’m sure he’s thrilled. Still, my favorite of the night.

Lil Rounds – “The Rose” – I thought she did fine and she added the gospel part to it which was actually really good. Simon ripped her apart again and was extra cruel. She fought back which was good and she did it respectfully which was smart. Though, I know how Lil could have done better tonight. She should have written the Mary J. Blige story, made it into a movie, and done a song from that. She’s just not trying anymore if you ask me.

Bottom Three: I’m looking at Matt, Anoop, and Lil. Matt was not that great this week and he could have been. I think he’s been hanging on to that last safe spot and this week it’s not there. Anoop was in the Bottom 3 with his “True Colors” last week so there’s no reason to think another great performance like tonight will land him anywhere but. Poor Anoop. Lil has been beat up too many weeks now. She is not going to win and I truly feel everyone else is better. I’m also feeling a slight chance of a Danny shocker but I hope not.

Going Home: Lil Rounds