Feb
11
2010
0

This Week’s Top 10 Chads

As many of my closest friends know, I keep extensive rankings for every first name in the world and I update them every week. I’ve decided to publish one of them on the blog today. So this is my list of the 10 best people named Chad for the week. There’s been a lot of moving and shaking on the Chad list so let’s get to it.

1. Chad Ochocinco – (Last week: 1) – Ochocinco had a great week this week. He provided coverage of the Super Bowl for the Ochocinco News Network (OCNN) and remains relevant with his fantastic Twitter posts. The run at 1 continues for this Chad.
2. Chad Michael Murray – (Last week: 5) – Chad moved up this week with rumors that he is in the running to play Captain America. It had seemed his star had fizzled out after he left One Tree Hill. Even news of an upcoming film with Tommy Lee didn’t seem to help his decline. However, putting on some tights and holding a patriotic shield? Welcome back, Chad!
3. Chad Smith – (Last week: NR) – Our biggest Chad jumper of the week. This Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer has been receiving votes for the last few polls but it was the announcement of his supergroup Chickenfoot’s returning to the studio that has this pollmaker psyched. I don’t listen to Chickenfoot but I love me some good Chad news.
4. Chad Trujillo – (Last week: 4) – It looked like this was the week the astronomer would crack the Top 3. Voters want a career that consists of more than the discovery of a dwarf planet bigger than Pluto. Some Chads get complacent. It’s been five years, Chad. We can only hold this spot for so long.
5. Chad Vader – (Last week: 3) – This Chad has done well for himself and is the only fictional character to ever crack the Top 10. (Unless you count Chad Durbin because I don’t acknowledge the existence of any Philadelphia Phillies.) Unfortunately, the much anticipated third season of his web series has yet to premiere. The internet world wants more fake Chad.
6. Chad Kroeger – (Last week: 2) – Not a good week for the lead singer of Nickelback. He is about to have less Facebook fans than a pickle. Also, he sings for Nickelback. It is only a matter of time before he drops off completely. Might want to go back to school and do something to help society, Chad.
7. Chad Pennington – (Last week: 8) – He may never throw a pass again but that’s great for his NFL record for career passing percentage. Throwing anymore will probably just ruin that especially since he now has the arm strength of the quarterback on “Glee.” Unlike Number 4 Chad, it’s time to be complacent. Stick to charity. That’s good stuff, Chad.
8. Chad Hugo – (Last week: 9) – I heard one of his songs on the radio last week so that must have been cool for him.
9. Chad of Mercia – (Last week: 10) – He is responsible for bringing Christianity to central England. That doesn’t go away and neither does this Chad. Central Englanders love their Christianity.*
10. Chad Allan – (Last week: 6) – This unfortunate singer of The Guess Who misheard and showed up at the Super Bowl to perform in the Halftime Show. He was escorted out by security after getting into a terrible Abbott and Costello-esque “I’m from The Guess Who/The police don’t like guessing games, sir” exchange. Hope next week is better, Chad.
Dropped from the rankings: Norman Chad
*Not confirmed.
Written by admin in: captain america,chad ochocinco,chad pennington,chad vader,chads,chickenfoot,nickelback,one tree hill,pluto,red hot chili peppers,super bowl |
Feb
05
2010
2

Super Bowl 44 Drinking Game

I don’t advocate the consumption of alcohol or liquor but darn it if football fans don’t like to drink during important (or unimportant) games. This weekend is the Super Bowl of football games. So I’ve decided to give in and make a drinking game for those people who are watching.

Drink when:
  • the captains approach midfield and start choosing players for their team
  • a player is actually canonized
  • a player turns to the camera and talks about DirectTV
  • Drew Brees leaves for Disney Land before the game ends
  • a pig storms the field to confirm the ball is made of cow skin
  • a fire breaks out in one of Kim Kardashian’s luxury boxes forcing her ass cheeks to share one
  • a commercial is funny
  • an English professor storms the field to teach fans “Who IS that?”
  • an announcer questions Peyton Manning’s decision making
  • a mysterious murder is discovered right before the Who begins the halftime show
  • the Saints sign Brett Favre during halftime
  • a cow storms the field to confront the pig about farm animal decency
  • the Saints score a TD when Manning passes to lesser-known, always runs the wrong way target, Wayne Reggie
  • the Saints win
Written by admin in: colts,drew brees,indianapolis,new orleans,peyton manning,saints,super bowl,super bowl 44,xliv |
Jun
10
2009
0

Tor’s News Nuggets: 6/10/09

Scientists believe that Earth and Venus may smash into each other in 3.5 billion years. Don’t worry, the chances of it happening are 1-in-2500 so no need to panic. If it does happen, I bet it’s Venus’ fault. If women can’t drive cars, how can they possibly drive a planet?

Carrie Prejean was fired from her post as Miss California. Times have really changed. Used to be that being beautiful, shallow, and ignorant could get you everything you wanted in California. I’m just sorry Elizabeth Cady Stanton couldn’t be here to tweet about this.
The Steelers got their new Super Bowl Championship rings and they weigh in at just under a quarter of a pound with 63 diamonds. That’s one diamond for each person in Pittsburgh that still has a job. Just the Steelers’ little way of raising awareness in these tough economic times.
An Israeli woman threw out a mattress containing 1 million dollars. I don’t blame her. Have you ever slept on a mattress filled with a million dollars? Let’s just say you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like the contents of your bed.
Russian authorities are going to use Brad Pitt to combat speeding on the country’s highways. Cardboard cutouts of Mr. Pitt dressed as a traffic cop are being placed at the most dangerous intersections. Keeping with the theme, violators can face a maximum of Seven Years in Tibet.
Written by admin in: 1 million dollars,brad pitt,carrie prejean,earth,mattress,miss california,pittsburgh steelers,super bowl,tor's news nuggets,venus |
Feb
02
2009
6

My Top Five Super Bowl Ads

Before I catch up on daily vacation blogs, I thought I would throw in my favorite ads from the Super Bowl. It seems like every year the selections get worse. I hate saying that because I feel like I come off as a stuck up comedy snob but the ads were rough this year.

I will be ranking the funniest so this eliminates the awesome movie ads (G.I. Joe!, Transformers 2, Monsters vs. Aliens, Up, Land of the Lost!) and the nice ads (Usama Young).
Honorable Mention: A special shout out goes to the guys at Front Page Films who were a finalist in the Doritos Crash the Super Bowl contest. The following ad aired during pregame but should have aired during the Super Bowl. Still, awesome job to them.

So, here we go:

5. Pepsuber

Pepsuber comes in at number 5 only because it first aired during SNL the previous day. I love MacGruber and throwing in the real MacGuyver only makes it better. It should go higher but it gets penalized for airing pre-Super Bowl.
4. Doritos: Crystal Ball

I still think Front Page Films should have won but this one was really funny. Some of the other ads were funny but crystal ball in the groin had crystal ball in the groin.
3. Cash 4 Gold
At first, this made me uncomfortable like when Dick Clark does New Year’s Eve but it turned out to not be serious and maybe that’s why I enjoyed it. The guy drinks gold. That can’t be good for you. Right? Right?
2. Bud Light: Conan
Is anything with Conan good? Yes! Still, this was well done. With his tie-in to looking like the current female Prime Minister, Sweden was the way to go. It all worked and he’s amazing.
1. Monster: Need a new job?
It was so simple and it made me laugh. Sometimes that’s all it takes. Well done, Monster! I mean, the butt’s by his face. Seriously, it’s right there.
Final thoughts on other commercials:

E*Trade – The talking baby has to stop. The dialogue is actually funny but the baby is too annoying to let it be.

Cheetos – New, non-cartoon Chester is the creepiest thing ever. I can’t sleep at night. He looks like George Burns and Pauly Walnuts got it on.

Firestone – It’s nice that you used Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head but you brought nothing new comedically to them. Did these people never watch Toy Story 1 or 2?

Budweiser – I was thankful the Clydesdales weren’t playing football this year but I can’t take the anthropomorphism. Horses should do horse things like poop in the street or finish fourth after LEADING THE RACE FOR THE WHOLE TIME UNTIL THE LAST FURLONG, YOU STUPID-

Written by admin in: cardinals,cash 4 gold,commercials,conan o'brien,doritos,macguyver,monster,pepsuber,super bowl,super bowl ads |

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