If Tim James can take a stand on the English language in Alabama, this candidate can take a stand for New Jersey.
Thanks to YouTube User doriansol for the piano.
If you would like to see the video that inspired me, check it out here.
Dec
31
2009
31
2009
Tor’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2KX
Happy New Year’s from all of us at Tor’s Take! It’s time to make proclamations that none of us are going to keep, I mean, am I riiighhh(incoherent coughs and harrumphs)? Here they are, dammit.
- Be more consistent with my 2010 letter shorthand.
- Find a nice girl and settle down.
- Guess correctly on a “How Many Jelly Beans Are In This Barrel?” contest.
- Shoot a sheriff and admit to it melodically.
- Get a parole officer to keep me focused.
- Give back to the world with more popular YouTube videos.
- Teach a homeless man how to recycle his home so that he will recycle forever.
- Punch Jeff Daniels.
- Break a mirror to get 7 years bad luck thus ensuring the world won’t end in 2012. You’re welcome, everyone!
- Market my new video game, Stand-Up Hero, for XBox 360, Wii, and Playstation 3.
- Stage an intervention for Krazy Glue.
- Set up meeting with Coach and Louis Vuitton to create a stylish bindle as part of a Hobo Couture collection.
- Take over at least 2 of Tiger Woods’ lost endorsements.
- Lead a New Jersey invasion hell-bent on overtaking and absorbing Pennsylvania.
- Perform in a 16 city tour of a 2-person Vaudeville show with William Peterson entitled “Tor-Pete-o.”
- Make baked ziti.
- Finally rid the world of stereotypes by replacing them with iPodtypes (for the kids!).
- Make sure people never forget Michael Jackson.
- Get a blank check from Miguel Ferrer and spend 90 minutes eluding him and Tone Loc.
- Start campaign to make Alex Trebek a contestant on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” to put him in his stupid place.
- Learn a parlor trick.
- Have tea with any available queen.
- Free the puppets from the tyrannical rule of Metallica. 24 years is enough.
- Open an East Coast location of the Peach Pit.
- Keep blogging.
What are yours?
Oct
30
2008
30
2008
It’s Called Goosey Night
All of my life, the night before Halloween was known as “Goosey Night,” which is fine when you’re in your little suburban New Jersey bubble. Venture outside of this bubble and the laughs begin. Let me take you back to my first October 30th at college:
Friend
Wanna do anything tonight?
Me
I don’t really do anything on Goosey Night.
Friend
What?
Me
Goosey Night. The night before Halloween.
And then that friend punched me in the face and took my wallet yelling, “It’s Mischief Night, sucka what?!?” All I can recall is the sweet falsetto at the end of that “what” before blacking out.
Look, I stand by Goosey Night like I stand by the state it comes from. Now, when people ask me what I’m doing for Mischief Night, I yell “Don’t you mean Goosey Night?!?” and punch them in the face before they know what’s happening. It’s called Paying It Forward.
According to definition number 7 at Urban Dictionary.com, “Goosey” is a “Texas word for sex.” Sounds pretty good to me. A whole lot better than Mischief Night. What would you rather partake in? Mischief or Texas Sex? Seriously, think about all the things you can do with a partner when there are spurs, six shooters, Stetsons, and Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders involved.
Still not convinced? That’s ok. You Mischief Night-ers may never see eye-to-eye with us on Goosey Night but I think we can all agree that the dumbest name would have to be “Cabbage Night.” What the hell is that about?
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