Happy New Year’s from all of us at Tor’s Take! It’s time to make proclamations that none of us are going to keep, I mean, am I riiighhh(incoherent coughs and harrumphs)? Here they are, dammit.
- Be more consistent with my 2010 letter shorthand.
- Find a nice girl and settle down.
- Guess correctly on a “How Many Jelly Beans Are In This Barrel?” contest.
- Shoot a sheriff and admit to it melodically.
- Get a parole officer to keep me focused.
- Give back to the world with more popular YouTube videos.
- Teach a homeless man how to recycle his home so that he will recycle forever.
- Punch Jeff Daniels.
- Break a mirror to get 7 years bad luck thus ensuring the world won’t end in 2012. You’re welcome, everyone!
- Market my new video game, Stand-Up Hero, for XBox 360, Wii, and Playstation 3.
- Stage an intervention for Krazy Glue.
- Set up meeting with Coach and Louis Vuitton to create a stylish bindle as part of a Hobo Couture collection.
- Take over at least 2 of Tiger Woods’ lost endorsements.
- Lead a New Jersey invasion hell-bent on overtaking and absorbing Pennsylvania.
- Perform in a 16 city tour of a 2-person Vaudeville show with William Peterson entitled “Tor-Pete-o.”
- Make baked ziti.
- Finally rid the world of stereotypes by replacing them with iPodtypes (for the kids!).
- Make sure people never forget Michael Jackson.
- Get a blank check from Miguel Ferrer and spend 90 minutes eluding him and Tone Loc.
- Start campaign to make Alex Trebek a contestant on “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” to put him in his stupid place.
- Learn a parlor trick.
- Have tea with any available queen.
- Free the puppets from the tyrannical rule of Metallica. 24 years is enough.
- Open an East Coast location of the Peach Pit.
- Keep blogging.
What are yours?
Facebook
Funny or Die
MySpace
YouTube
Twitter