Dec
29
2009
0

Tor’s Onion Stories: December 29, 2009

I recently submitted to write for The Onion for the second time. Here are 10 story ideas that I did not use but enjoyed.

  • World’s First Sentient Plastic Bag Killed While Playing With Toddler
  • Older California Raisins Have Trouble Hearing Grapevine
  • On A Quest For Normalcy, Man Watches “Benjamin Button” Backwards
  • Wide Leg Jeans Develop Eating Disorder When Sharing Rack With Skinny Jeans
  • Man Living In Glass House Regrets Calling Idiom’s Bluff
  • World Ends When FailBlog Makes Mistake Posting About Its Mistake
  • School’s Horse Play Cancelled Due To Cast Members Fooling Around Too Much, Irony
  • College Kid And Ball Reunited 12 Years After It Went In Creepy Neighbor’s Yard
  • Overpampering Parents Choose To Learn Baby Talk Over Forcing Child To Learn English
  • NFL Player Satisfied Enough With Leading Virtual Self To Madden Title
Written by admin in: california raisins,failblog,idiom,nfl,skinny jeans,the onion,tor's onion stories |
Sep
29
2009
2

Tor’s Onion Stories: September 29, 2009

Here are 10 more stories that I would submit to The Onion. Unfortunately, The Onion does not accept submissions from people with last names consisting solely of 3 letters. Just my stupid luck. I’m paying the price for having an easy time filling out Scantrons in grammar school.

  • Scientists Believe Homeless Man That Throws Own Feces Could Be Missing Link
  • Fat Kid, Roger Dawkins, Does Not Like Cake
  • “Cash For Myrrh” Not Nearly As Successful As Hoped
  • Native American Destroys Old Camera Reclaiming Grandfather’s Soul
  • Boater Designs New Anchor Shaped Like Ex-Wife
  • Sad Ant Strains To Lift Half Its Body Weight
  • Soccer League Shut Down Due To Too Much Action
  • Odd-Looking Proctologist Swears He’s Not An Alien
  • Cherry Bomb Prank Backfires And Improves School’s Plumbing System
  • Portugal To Bring Back Feudalism, Disappointment
How about these? Would you like to see these in print form? Write your congressman.
Written by admin in: boat anchor,cash for myrrh,cherry bomb,fat kid likes cake,homeless,missing link,native american soul,portugal,soccer,the onion,tor's onion stories,weak ants |

Powered by WordPress | Theme: Aeros 2.0 by TheBuckmaker.com